That night. I want to take it all back, kinda. Well that night we were at Sierra’s birthday party, and Brent pissed me off. You were right there, trying to get me to kiss you but I was still with Brent so I said no. You were definitely fucked up. Haha well, you kept flirting with me, and I was flirting back. I always had thought you were cute, and I heard you thought I was too. In the middle, almost end of the night we decided we were best friends. So I gave you my number, and it took you like 20 minutes to get it right and put my number in your phone. You saved my contact name as, “abby hisset; best friend”. You spelled my last name wrong but neither of us realized it that night. So you texted me the next morning, “hey best friend”. i said “hey who is this?” and you said “ryan”. so we kept texting, and you were gonna walk back to Sierra’s. but before you got back i had to leave to go to my sisters soccer game. the last text i sent you was “yeah, i’m still here.” and then you didn’t respond. i didn’t really think anything of it, i didn’t really care that you didn’t respond. i had a boyfriend, and i wasn’t gonna cheat or anything. then on Thanksgiving i had family over my house. i remember it like it was yesterday. i was sitting on the couch with my cousin and i saw the messenger icon on my phone. i looked at it and you wrote me “sorry i didnt respond that day i thought the message sent but it didnt” i said, “oh it’s fine!” and i told you to text me because the messenger thing frusterates me. so i told you how i was going Black Friday shopping later that night. we kept texting & i decided i could see myself liking you. i was in Meijer’s, cause i had to grab white strips and something else, i can’t remember what it was though. you told me that Austin wanted me to text him, so i texted Austin. he told me to tell you that me & Austin had been texting for the past hour, so i did. then, Austin told me you liked me, so i asked you if you did. you said “ya i mean ur cute funny and fun to chill with”. i decided right there that i liked you, but i didn’t know what to do, cause i had a boyfriend of a year & a month at that time. we kept texting, and we were talking. later on you convinced me to break up with Brent, and i decided to because feelings weren’t there anymore for him. they went to you. so on December 6th, i took a break with Brent. it was a Tuesday, cause i went to spend the night at Sara’s for late start after i took a break with him. Brent and i said we were gonna fix things, but i knew it wasn’t there anymore. we continued to talk, you would meet me at my locker & walk me to classes, and always call me at 9. we sang Sparks Fly on the phone, we took it really really slow. i didn’t wanna jump into anything, and i knew how you were. the night of the Elder vs. Oak Hills game, you called me & said you were leaving your house. you trusted me with everything. right before you hung up, you said “i love you”. i was speechless. i didn’t know what to say, or do. i almost started crying. i cared about you alot already. well you didn’t end up leaving, and i made you promise you’d stay for me. we hung out at a basketball game a week later, and that’s when we kissed for the first time. it kinda just happened. my stomach dropped when i kissed you. i ran away immediately cause i had to leave. i left & we were texting, that night was perfect for us. you were holding me by the waist, you always had an arm around me or you were holding my hand. you made me fall for you, fast and hard. Christmas break came around, and everything improved with us. you texted me everyday, you were basically the perfect guy. On Christmas, you asked me to go to the mall with you, Lisa, and Austin the next day. my mom wouldn’t let me, but i was going to Sierra’s later on that night. so i went to Sierra’s, and about an hour after i got there you came. i was spending the night at Sierra’s, so i knew it would be a good night. you got there and had a big box with you, right before i left my house you told me you got me stuff for Christmas. i didn’t know what to say, cause i didn’t know we were supposed to get each other something, so i didn’t have anything for you. well you walked over to me, you were wearing your red flannel, jeans, red black & white air maxes, and a white beanie. i thought you looked absolutely adorable. you walked over to me & handed me the box, and i opened it. you gave me Yoga Pants, Abercrombie & Fitch perfume, sparkly Victoria’s secret lotion, and a Hollister jacket with a fuzzy hood. i said thank you & hugged you & kissed you. i went up to Sierra’s room and tried it all on with Sara, you were downstairs. i made everyone keep you downstairs, cause i didn’t want you to see. you came upstairs and Sara left. we laid on Sierra’s bed & talked for a little bit. then we kissed and went back downstairs. i was scared to get hurt by you, everyone told me what would happen. that you would play me, and hurt me. then Sully said that you never acted like this towards any girl. i mean it was easy to believe you actually cared. you spend $150 on me for Christmas, told me everything i wanted to hear. you told me we could make each other better, and if you felt the way you felt about me that night in 30 years, we’d be married. i was stupid enough to fall for it, my mistake. you snuck out later that night. i was wearing yellow athletic shorts & a black t-shirt with my hair up. again you still looked amazing, hah. well we ended up hooking up that night for the first time. it was like 3 a.m. and you didn’t wanna leave. you refused to go home cause you wanted to stay with me. you kept asking me if i trusted you. i honestly didn’t know, i was still scared to get hurt. you left at like 3:30 because i begged you to go home so you didn’t get in trouble. then we hung out on New Years Eve. i went there in a yellow Hollister hoodie & jeans & sperrys. you wore a blue flannel & jeans & your Nike Flights. you wanted me to go in the Laundry room with you to smoke a cig, so i did. we split it & you tried to teach me how to do O’s. i couldn’t get it at first, but eventually i did. you asked me out at about 11, and i said give me time to think about it. Brent & i still texted, and it would have looked really bad. we cuddled for almost 45 minutes, then we went to smoke our last cig of the year (; at 1255 i went to go check my phone and grab it. we kissed, and hooked up really quick. we heard everyone yell “Happy New Year!” and you looked into my eyes. you said “Abby, will you go out with me?” i said yes & you kissed me. you looked at me and i never saw that look that you gave me before. we walked downstairs and i told everyone, Lisa started screaming & you just stood there and smiled. everything went really well with us, then i got grounded. we were together for like 2 and a half weeks. you stopped doing the things you did to get me, you didn’t text me a lot. it was rare if you did. you didn’t like not seeing me, and i was always sad. we broke up and you said you needed time. everyone told me, “Abbs give him 5 days, he’ll come back.” i had dyed my hair the night before. you came back to me on a Saturday night. you texted me saying hey, asked how i was, and that you missed “us.” i got back with you that night, you kept calling me. and again we didn’t last long. you got mad because i was with Angela and couldn’t go to Austin’s soccer game. you broke up with me on a Sunday night, and Monday you said you didn’t mean it, that you were just mad. i took you back right before 6th bell, i cared too much. again we barely lasted, i didn’t know why i still tried. we broke up again. you talked to Sierra, saying you wanted her back. sometime within a week of that, we were both at Sierra’s. my mom made me mad, and i went to Chipotle cause i was dancing to Single Ladies before that, and you walked in. i was sosososo embarrassed. i came back from Chipotle & you asked me if i was okay & took me into your arms. i stood there. we got back together again, and you didn’t talk to me that weekend. i was confused. and then we broke up again. you said you didn’t feel the same. you started meeting up with Colleen to make me jealous, and then talking to Taylor. i was walking with Sullivan, and you got mad because we had kissed at Josh’s party the weekend before. you said you didn’t want me anymore, and said shit about my body. i said something to Colleen on a Thursday because i heard she was talking shit about me. that day was crazy. i went over Sierra’s that Friday, and when i got there Angela & Molly attacked me. you did too, i was confused. i told you to get off because you were talking to Taylor. we laid on the bed downstairs & talked everything out. you said, and i’m always gonna remember this, “no matter what, i’m always gonna come back to you. look where i am right now, with you. if i just wanted to get some, i’d go to someone easy. i come back to you because i care.” i didn’t do anything with you, and that’s when i had you the best. you called me 11 times that weekend. i actually thought we were gonna get back together. the Tuesday after that weekend, you wrote me saying that you were lucky i was still here, and you were saying we needed a picture the next day. i didn’t think you were gonna be at school. you ended up not coming, because your appointment didn’t go as well as expected. that Thursday we hung out. and it happened. you talked to me on Friday, and Saturday. not on Sunday though. you met up with me before 2nd bell on Monday, and after 2nd. then at lunch you didn’t talk to me, i was confused. i was really really upset. then on Wednesday, at Powderpuff we were flirting a lot. you kept touching my leg & calling me yours, and singing the dumbest songs to me. you said “oh you know it’s not over.” then my mom called. she was coming to get me. i hung up & said to your face, “well according to what you’ve been saying, it is.” you said “i don’t care,” out of impulse. i knew you were mad at me. you got up & left, and sat by the fence. i went to say bye to everyone, and you walked away. i texted you saying sorry for making you mad, and you let me explain. i fucked up that time, not you. we both ended up at Sierra’s the next day, and you got out of the hot tub to talk to me. you apologized for saying “just do you cause ima do me” you said you were just mad. you gave me that look that you gave me on New Years. we made out & cuddled. i said something after, about how it was funny that after we did something, you wouldn’t talk to me. you said you thought it was funny too. i went upstairs & talked to Lisa. then on Monday, you were at Sierra’s. i said something about how i was gonna hook up with someone else, and i said it in front of you for a reason. you said “oh he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into.” you kept acting like you were gonna throw stuff at me, kinda flirting kinda not. that’s just how you are. you went behind the fence to smoke, and Christian said my name. you said “oh fuck her.” and i left. you weren’t there last night at Sierra’s, and i heard about a girl that you had on your lap & you were laying on. obviously it’s gonna affect me. this is how it always goes. the point of me writing all this, was to get it all out. and to everyone who’s ever felt like this. you’re not alone.